At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
