My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
