i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
