that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I could make wine with my vomit
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
