wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
