And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
even my farts smell like vagina
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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