WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
