woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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