I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
