You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
