i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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