I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
