the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
