i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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