it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
