i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
