I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
