The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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