How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
