just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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