My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
