I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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