I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
