I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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