if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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