im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
