I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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