people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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