Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
