He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
