Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Even my vagina gasped.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
