Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
