Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
