I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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