people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
