The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
