it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
