it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
