Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
