This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
