I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
