i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
