i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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