I could make wine with my vomit
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
