i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
