You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
