I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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