just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
