She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
