the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
